Are you familiar with our pain scale?

There is something definitely wrong. I feel it in my bones. Every time my pain medication starts to wear off, the left side of my throat hurts so bad that it makes me want to bury myself alive. It is actually like there is a tiny mine worker in my throat chiseling away at the walls with a Taco Bell spork. Something interesting: I think I have mentioned my medication--if not started out by mentioning it--in all of my posts so far. God, why can't I be more interesting? HA. I'm back at work after my week vacation and I am enjoying myself. I'm getting a lot more comfortable with being a service manager now that I kind of know what to do even though I still ask everyone like ten thousand questions. I cannot tell you how good it feels to work at a place that you feel good working at. Oh my golly, my life is so great! Everything is perfect and wonderful and I just want to dance and sing and take my clothes off. Ok, just kidding.

But really, I'm doing pretty good. I set out a while ago to do some self-discovery and to try to understand the things that I do and feel. I try to go to a counselor regularly when he doesn't cancel my appointments and I am really trying to hold true to what I say and say what I know I can hold true to. I feel like I am actually making steps. The person that I am, and even more so the person that I was in the past, has some major flaws. I am not trying to be perfect but I am trying to grow and improve, and not just for me but for the people in my life that are important to me.

I know that one of the hardest things I will have to do is talk to my parents. I want to talk to them about how they make me feel when they ignore the fact that I am a gay man or that they disapprove of the thought of it. I want to tell them how worried I am that they are going to grow old and be lonely and depressed and hate each other and not know anything about their kids. I want to tell them how much I love them and how much I want them to be happy but the problem is that I never have enough strength. I wish I could just tell them what I'm feeling and what I think they should do. So I am setting a goal. I am going to talk to them soon. Maybe before Justin's party. Probably after, when I am still down there. It is so incredibly easy to make goals but it is fucking climbing mountains to actually reach them.